The Definitive Ranking of Bond Films
because all of the other ones are, well, wrong
The arrival of a new James Bond film is a cause for celebration and a good excuse to drink martinis (as if one were needed.) But there are a couple downsides. One, some misguided souls insist on making those martinis with vodka, skaken, not stirred. Bond was just wrong about this on both counts, but that’s for another post. Two, the new film inevitably provokes a slew of wrongheaded lists ranking the old Bond films.
The problem with many such rankings is that the reviewer neglects to consider all of the relevant factors. The holistic experience of a Bond film includes the title sequence, music, mix of exotic locations, charisma (or appealing lack thereof) of the villain, charisma of the female leads (I will try to avoid the somewhat dated term “Bond Girl”), Bond’s clothes, wristwatches, cars, weapons and gadgets, the witty repartee and customary bi-play with Moneypenny and gratuitous references to the fading glory of Britain.
Then there are some basic algorithms to employ. Intelligent female leads are superior to empty-headed eye-candy. Clothing should be classic but not old fashioned (no ruffled shirts or aging C.E.O. business suits, please.) Gadgets must be a satisfying mix of outlandish and believable (revolving number plates? Naturally. Invisible…
