Don’t Call That Swill a Martini!
The Martini Manfesto: Part 2.
pour yourself a real martini and read Part One here.
In a society plagued with aggressive marketing and deceptive advertising, it’s inevitable that some will try to exploit the good will surrounding a respected name to peddle inferior products. Hence, almost every manner of alcoholic concoction, and even many non-alcoholic drinks, have been restyled as “martinis.” There are espresso martinis, chocolate martinis, passion-fruit martinis, apple-tinis, tequila-lime martinis and of course, the ubiquitous, vodka martini. Many of these bastardizations are downright undrinkable. Some are certifiable health hazards, so cloying and treacly that they liable to trigger a diabetic reaction. Some are palatable and should simply be renamed (a “tequila-lime martini,” — yes, I’ve seen it called this — is a fraud but traveling under its rightful title of Margarita, it is one of the world’s great cocktails.) But all such false martinis are insults to the original. They should be as distasteful to any American proud of her nation’s cultural heritage as a bottle of cheap, artificially carbonated American “champagne” is to a citizen of France.
Given the prevalence of such hazards, we must forbear smaller transgressions. Vodka “martini” drinkers are lost but given patience and a healthy dose of gin and…
